Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Oh. Oh Really? Okay. Great. Nahhh..... Whoa!

That's what my brain said in short order at about 2:30 this afternoon.

I left a message with SW today. She called me back at about two, which tells me she was out and about on (probably) a home study. Sounds good to me.


First, after amenable greetings and exchanges, I said I'm a hair away from finishing up our profile. I'll tell you in a minute what she said in response to that.

I asked her about getting a copy of our home study; I want to say she "bristled" but she sort of said that it wasn't generally done, because if we were applying to this or that or going through other agencies, these people/entities would need a copy from the Agency (duh). No, I said; it's strictly for our use, our file. I slid in a little snarky comment that we had paid for it, why shouldn't we have it? Oh, she sort of said, then I'll talk to A, it shouldn't be a problem.


WTH? Home studies aren't cheap. We paid for that sucker.

Then I asked about being added to the state adoption registry. I need to send her extra hard copies to her to send to the State that she'll include with a copy of our home study. What the hell, I figure - why exclude every road? Having dealt with the State on various matters relating to adoption now and again at work, I'm still cynical about it. But God has managed to take care of us, and I have to have faith in that.

It's like applying to a position in the government: be careful what you apply for, you might just get it.


~~


The barn burner was what she casually mentioned when I said I was almost done with our profile. By the by, she sort of segued, we had a child come through Agency yesterday. She was sorry that she didn't have our profile, as B, the person who facilitates these things there, certainly would have shown it. She proceeded to tell me the information on the child just for conversation, which I found rather cool.


So these are three thoughts that crossed my mind as SW and I chatted were as follows, not in any particular order, and certainly not with this coherence:

1) The child had been exposed to marijuana. I haven't yet gotten around to the research on this, but it stands to reason that if the mother toked during the pregnancy, it's more than likely she did other things as well - alcohol, tobacco, perhaps exposure to (if not use) of harder drugs. As SW said in general conversation at our home study with a roll of her eyes, "Oh, no, birthmothers never lie." Ayup. I would have paused if we'd gotten a call, because if pot was involved, it's likely other things were, too. It would be a hard think.

2) The child was part Indian. I know that different tribes have different takes on the Indian Child Welfare Act in terms of, for lack of a better word in my head at the moment, enforcement, but I don't know at what point someone is a member of a tribe, or at what percentage of one's heritage the ICWA applies, so this information about this child gave me pause since I didn't know if the child had been born on tribal lands, or if one of the parents belonged to one of several local tribes. And because I'm not yet well versed in the insies/outsies, I would not be comfortable with this.

Between this and the pot issues, I probably would have passed, at least at this early stage.

But as we were chatting, I had this delicious frisson of excitement. Wow, brushing so close, so fast! Can you imagine if we'd finished the profile before we'd left for DC, then come home to that? Wow! But it's okay... like I told SW, it's just not our turn, not meant to be, not yet.

She was surprised at my pleasant attitude. I didn't get into the fact that the last dozen years of my life has been a series of things that were just fate, timing, kismet, whatever you want to call it. I'm not daunted.

But here's the one thought that blazed through my mind after I hung up and processed what she said:

3) HOLY SHIT! I'd better kick DH out of his office, soon!

Because as those of here in Blogoland know, you NEVER know when The Call will come in, or from where. I want to be at least somewhat prepared. Don't have to be 10 for 10, just ready to put things in gear and fill in the holes.

Oh yeah, we're not close to ready for that. I need to kick him out of that room, amalgamate his crap with mine and be back to where we were five years ago, in the same home office.

I need to paint the room, and try and talk him into getting rid of the ghastly carpet that runs through the house. Then I need to make (more!) curtains, and buy a 4-in-1 convertible crib/bed and start prepping everything. From there I can collect things.

Wow. It seems more real. Holy crap! =D

4 comments:

hope548 said...

Yep, it's time to get on it! How exciting!

sarah @ life {sweet} life said...

Wow...so much to think about!! That's weird that she responded like that when you asked for a copy of the HS. You definitely paid for it!

I don't know where you live, and if this is a state-to-state law (I wouldn't necessarily think so), but our agency doesn't usually place a Native American baby with a family if one of the parents doesn't have an Indian card. Something to do with the fact that the tribe can come back at any time to take the child back...something along those lines...so you might check into it just so you'd know for sure. Sorry the info I have is kind of vague. :)

Erica said...

That is a lot to think about. I just got done reading about an adoption that involved Native American ancestory and you do have to jump through some additional hoopes if certain tribes are involved. Technically, the tribe can take the child if they want at the beginning, is my understanding. Your lawyer has to petition the counsel of elders on your behalf and they decide if they will let you adopt or not. Any ancestory, even less than 1%, and you have to go through the counsel. Then, they decide to either take the child into the tribe or let the adoption proceed. Depending on the triibe, this can be easy or can be hard. If they do let you proceed, they just send you some stuff to help you honor their heritage (blankets, CD's, etc). That's what I hear anyways.....

You better get started on that nursery woman! I have a feeling you are going to need it sooner rather than later!! The lair needs to be reclaimed! LOL

Erica

Holly said...

I am surprised that she was hesitant to send you the homestudy?! We were given a copy (w/o asking) of the HS and then each post placement visit.

It's very exciting, how quickly things can go :)

Educate yourself now on the various drugs and what their exposures mean and decide what you will/will not accept. We did that so that we could make a fairly quick decision.

Good luck!