My First Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop

Just for the hell of it. It's beautiful outside; it's rained all night; I feel better even though I didn't sleep worth a damn last night.

4.) List ten things you would say to ten different people in your life...if you had the hutzpah.
*cynical chuckle*

Oh and by the way, it’s “chutzpah.” Trust me: I married a Jew. He may have converted to my religion (on his own, no pressure from me), but you can’t really take the East Coast Jew out of the boy even though he’s about as far as one can get from New Jersey and from his former religion.

All right, Mama Kat. Be careful what you ask for.

1. Sis, stop being jelly spined! He’s only kissing your ass because you control the money when Dad’s gone! Once your usefulness is expired, he won’t give a damn about you. Oh, and by the way, that’s a nice racist kid you’ve raised there.

2. T, dearest and oldest friend, I wish you had a video camera on yourself sometimes. You’re turning into your crazy, self-centered mother, the one thing you vowed you never wanted to turn into when we were kids. Please don’t emotionally punish your boys the way your mother always emotionally punished you and your sisters.

3. J, I love you dearly, but you’re a dolt. You can’t save the world. God’s not going to judge you if you decline to get involved in a situation. Also, you need to decide if you’re going to be an activist or an attorney, because trying to be both JUST ISN’T WORKING. Oh, and the autopsy supported Michael Schiavo’s stance on his poor wife. She had NO brain function and had NO quality of life. Get past it already.

4. B, please stop running away from your problems. Sometimes they’re not even problems – it’s usually when you can’t have your way or just too emotionally powerful for you to cope with. Not only do you hurt me and those you supposedly care about, you isolate yourself more and more, making yourself even more unhappy.

5. To the Country at Large: SUCKERRRRRRS!

6. To my “little” brother (he’s 35 now): you know me better than that. Please stop being so easily led by the nose. And please, while you’re out doing your special forces stuff in Europe, find your balls that you seem to have misplaced, so you can talk to me directly about what in the hell your problem is with me rather than backstabbing me all the time. Grow up.

7. To the ex-boyfriend I haven’t seen in a dozen years: sadly, my predictions of your once sweet little boys becoming complete f*cked-up young men have come to pass. Pot, delinquency, and God knows what else. Between their mother’s atrocious treatment of them and your complete passivity where the mother is concerned (which they can’t fail to see), they are now completely screwed. And it’s so sad – and I’ve wondered occasionally through the years if it would have made any difference if you and I had worked out, if me being in their lives would have made the difference. Then I remember what a complete turd you were, and remember that you never were worth it, so that thought goes up in smoke. Karma’s really bitten you in the ass, huh?

8. MIL, please stop with the pretenses of being one of the moneyed elite. You’re broke. FIL can hardly keep up with your ridiculous spending. You can’t spend money like you did in 1985. And I have news for you: we can’t afford your lifestyle, so don’t even think about it.

9. D, you’re still WRONG. You keep compounding your initial error. You keep this up, and you’ll be even more lonely than you already are.

10. P, stop trying to run everyone’s lives. Why is it that the ones whose lives are in utter disarray are the ones who try and run everyone else’s life? Is it a control issue? Or with you, is it a mental illness? WTH? Sad to say, but when Dad's gone, I don't ever want to see or speak to you again - siblings by the accident of birth.