I figure that I’ll address some questions that I’m sure my lurkers are asking (I know you’re out there).
How’d you find an agency?
I work for an attorney that does adoptions here and there, and I used the agency that he’s used for years, in its various forms and reformations and name changes. The core of very competent people have always been the same. I have worked with them on some files and I’ve always liked their professionalism, so for me—us—it was a no-brainer.
What attorney will you be using?
After discussing it with the caseworker we’ll be working with, it turns out that there is no ethical conflict if my boss is my attorney in this matter. It’d only be a conflict if he represented the birth family at the same time.
What’s the back story on your infertility?
Read here. This is my sister blog where I purged a lot of this poison before I realized that I really shouldn’t blog about adoption in a place that has “fail” in the URL.
Did you do any treatments?
Short answer is no. Follow the link in the previous question for details.
How long did it take for you to come to the decision to adopt?
Well, I passed the four year mark of the ectopic this last September (Sep. 2004-Sep. 2008). In the ensuing four years, there hasn’t been a single peep in terms of conception. Not even a suspicion. I know that if I could get pregnant, then there was a way to keep pregnant... but if I can’t conceive at all, then it looks pretty bad.
Then, in September 2008, we had our first orientation for adoption at the agency. So in these past four years, I’ve been to the dark side of the moon and back, and have returned a little worse for wear. But DH is completely on board with the adoption end of things.
A mark of how much my mental health has recovered: when my dad passed along that my little brother will become a father later this year, I was genuinely pleased and excited, without a single speck of the “why not me?!” or any resentment or anger that crosses every infertile woman’s mind at some point in that hell. I was proud of myself when I realized it, and am proud of how far I’ve come.
Have you told anyone?
My dad knows—he also knows about our problems conceiving. DH has mentioned it at a high level to his parents, but not in any detail as far as I know. I haven’t told my siblings, and neither has he. We both have certain friends that we’ve confided in for sanity’s sake. Until the home study is done and the certification complete, it’ll probably remain that way.
Feel free to ask away.
Coming up: a rundown of the adoption application from my perspective.
3 months ago