Okay, Now That I'm Set Up...

Howdy.

I realized today in my whirling mind that a blog that mentions adoption really shouldn't have "fail" or "failboat" in the title. My sister blog is here, and that's where I'll opine on topics other than the ride ahead in adding to the family.

If you don't want to go back and read, don't worry. I'll migrate some of the relevant material here.

~~

"Meant to Be" is a central theme of DH's and my life together. One step, one decision, and we would not have the wonderful, blessed marriage today. We had that discussion - what if I'd not come back to Arizona? What if he'd stayed back east? And the answer to that interminable line of questions is that everything we did was meant to happen.

And it has taken several years to come around to the concept that perhaps there is a cosmic reason why I have ovarian cysts, and why those cysts have turned my fallopian tubes into spaghetti. Is there a satisfactory reason? No, and I don't think there ever will be.

It has taken several years to come to terms with the fact that we will never have our own, biological child. How far have I come? This past weekend, my brother called my dad (Dad got dibs on being told first, which is awesome) to tell Dad that he and his wife are expecting their first child, due in October. And you know, there was not even a single twinge of envy in my heart, not one blip of rage. I was honestly, genuinely happy at the news. In my heart I know that I have come so far.

~~

Today is the beginning of the next chapter of our married lives.

During my lunch hour, I went by the adoption agency to drop off the application packet. It's kind of like an comfy old pair of slippers, mostly because I've dealt with this agency during the course of my work. The folks there are a known entity, and my boss has been dealing with and through them for many years. Therefore, I'm fortunate to not have that gaping maw of the unknown in terms of having to shop for an agency.

And see, that's another thing that's meant to be: almost three years ago I interviewed for a job. At the end of the interview I told my now-boss that my mother was terminally ill. I said that she could go tomorrow, next week, next month, who knows. And he didn't blink. He hired me when other firms would never have touched me because of that tottering situation. I started work on a Tuesday, and my mother died the following Sunday. Ten days off and again, not a blink. Three years later I'm still profoundly grateful for Boss's generosity and understanding--pretty rare for a lawyer.

The next turn of meant to be that Boss is a lightning rod for a certain organization that has an early influence in some birth mothers' decision to place their child for adoption. Also, in the course of my work, the office has done a handful of adoptions, so I have been exposed to the process here and there. You must understand that at that point in time these occurred, adoption was not yet a viable option for me; I was still grieving for my loss in an ectopic, and grieving that I had not conceived after that, not once.

So these examples of meant to be heighten my certain faith that adoption is indeed meant to be for us.

Join me as our journey begins on this partly cloudy, breezy February day in Arizona.