I got through the intro and completed the first chapter—the FIRST CHAPTER!—of "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew " last night. I have to say, without a shred of shame, that it pissed me off. Hugely. I almost hurled the book across the room. Instead, I set it down with control, and read the biography of Alice until I calmed down. I'll pick it up again tonight now that my initial feelings of resentment have calmed.
Being an avid bibliophile from an early age, I can’t ever remember a first chapter of any book pissing me off so much.
I honestly didn't care for the implication that I must feel guilty for "taking" the child from the birth parent, even though I haven't actually done it yet. I didn't care for Eldridge pushing the idea that the newborn has the memory in the womb of the mother's negative feelings about adoption, or a memory of being yanked, and that every adoptee is sad and confused and angry and damaged for the rest of his or her life. This is just the first chapter!
Out of curiosity, I went to Amazon and read the 184 or whatever reviews. Back-asswards, I know, but I don’t like being swayed by reviews before I buy a book – I like reading with an open mind. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in sensing the negativity coming through the print. One reviewer said, "... [the book] made me as a prospective adoptive mother feel horrible and guilty for wanting to adopt a baby." That’s exactly how I felt as soon as I finished the first chapter.
Being an avid bibliophile from an early age, I can’t ever remember a first chapter of any book pissing me off so much.
I honestly didn't care for the implication that I must feel guilty for "taking" the child from the birth parent, even though I haven't actually done it yet. I didn't care for Eldridge pushing the idea that the newborn has the memory in the womb of the mother's negative feelings about adoption, or a memory of being yanked, and that every adoptee is sad and confused and angry and damaged for the rest of his or her life. This is just the first chapter!
Out of curiosity, I went to Amazon and read the 184 or whatever reviews. Back-asswards, I know, but I don’t like being swayed by reviews before I buy a book – I like reading with an open mind. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in sensing the negativity coming through the print. One reviewer said, "... [the book] made me as a prospective adoptive mother feel horrible and guilty for wanting to adopt a baby." That’s exactly how I felt as soon as I finished the first chapter.
That reviewer’s statement is especially damning because, in many of the reviews, you then have adoptees who are curious as to what Eldridge, a fellow adoptee and also an adopter, has to say, and some of the adoptees who posted are in turn adopting themselves; and a lot of them are saying no, adoption is not that negative. One even said, “I wanted to tell the author to shut up. I love my life. I love my parents. I wouldn't and couldn't have chose [sic] anything better.”
I have to get through the rest of the book. I want to give the benefit of the doubt. More later.
1 comment:
Don't torture yourself! That book is a TOTAL waste of time and it's just going to make you feel awful! I read that book because it was on so many agency's "suggested reading" lists and when I got done I actually doubted whether or not we were doing the right thing and whether an adopted child could ever be happy with us. I actually contacted our agency and told them they should take it off their list! It is AWFUL! I mean, there's actually a chapter about how you shouldn't want to celebrate birthday's because those are going to be sad days...not happy days. WHATEVER! The day our baby is born will be celebrated like no-other! I'm sorry she has such negative thoughts, but I don't want that negativity in my head. Save yourself! LOL
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