At a little after 9:00 am this morning, the work phone rings. I answer in my suitably professional manner, of course. I assumed it was going to be Boss, checking in.
“Allie?”
“Yes?”
“This is [Social Worker], I just left a message at your house and thought I might be able to catch you at the office. I’d like to set up your first home study visit for next week...”
We chatted a little bit, and I said I had to consult DH in terms of day and time. I clarified the hours she was available and the days of the week, had a nice bit of conversation, including joking about my boss a bit (as she knows him well), and she said that the first visit will essentially cover the paperwork. After that, a second visit will be scheduled.
After we hung up, I grinned hugely, and squealed with glee.
Trying to get DH pinned down will be something else. When one is a chief-officer level in the corporate world, one does not necessarily get to pick one’s hours. Yesterday was another super-stressful day where the mental aftermath woke him up at four this morning. Poor baby. The good thing is that he likes the people he works with, which is his saving grace. It’s just that the department is such a cluster that he’s going to be digging himself out for a long while.
Talking to a friend of mine that did an international transracial-transcultural adoption many years ago, he had this advice for me from our FB chat this morning after I got the call:
C: dont be surprised by the questions.. very personal.. and financial
Allie: oh yeah, been doing the research
C: when I went through it I was very angry.. that they asked me about financial stuff.. felt it was very unfair when others could have kids by sitting on the same toilet seat without having a dime to their name
Allie: yeah i know the feeling... very much so... that's what dh's initial reaction was
C: if he needs to talk and blow off steam.. you got my number I understand.. and can let him
know / validate his feelings
Allie: you’re awesome
Later in the exchange after discussion my potential attendance at a seminar, he said,
C: play the game and make the effort.. just like a job interview. .. only for parenting. Sucks, but that is what it is
And he’s right. That’s an unfortunate way to put it, but he is right.
I’m prepared, I think (is anyone really prepared for these? Nooo...). I’m afraid that DH is not, and has not done the exploration into the topic that we had discussed. I don’t want him freaked, I don’t want him pissed and stressed at the intrusive nature of the proceedings. I thought it was very awesome of C to offer his ear like that, because DH may just need that.
(Yeah, I'm still working on the paperwork post. Have to pull out my handy-dandy lil binder and review it)
Edited to Add: Next Friday is Part One of the homestudy. Holy cow, that's coming up fast! :)
The Most Un-Tertia type birthday
7 years ago
2 comments:
The questions are definitely on the intrusive side. We had everything from "how has IF affected your sex life," to the financial questions...it was hard. It was easier for me; I was prepared and I was more on the "I just have to get through this," train. But for hubby, it took him some time to get over his anger of having to "justify" and "prove" himself; he hated the idea of being judged. But in the end, after lots of talks and venting, he was ok. I reminded him that the social worker is ON our side and wants to approve us. They want to pass us. So, if we do our part, they'll do theirs. But we can't throw our hands up and say "this isn't fair..." and just not do it. Sure, it's not fair...but then again, what has been, so far? ;) Good luck!
It is very nerve wracking, but for us, not so bad in the moment! Good Luck!
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