Home Study, Part One

As I previously wrote, I took a half-day off to get everything ready (for the second one, I’m just taking the day off... not fighting it). Just as I had figured, Boss waltzes in 10 minutes before I was due to leave, so I just left right then and there. He has a bad habit of trying to cram things in just before I’m due to leave, and I was already a nervous wreck and I was SO not in the mood for this crap.

Driving home on the freeway, I was in a quandary: I needed to eat something for lunch, but I didn’t want to burn too much time, and I didn’t want to stink up the house with something like pizza or Mongolian stir fry. I settled for a small salad from the salad bar at the store with no dressing (as is my habit), picked up some crackers, cheese and fruit, and went home. Crammed the salad in my mouth and went to finish up the house.

I know that unless it’s a normal state (you know those OCD types!), the house does not need to be picture perfect. However, there was still laundry thrown every which way on the cedar chest, laundry on the couch, and the bed needed to be made, etc. I worked a minor miracle in the bedroom, although I never did get the laundry truly put away. I just folded it neatly in the basket and set it on the floor on the far side of the cedar chest.

Washed dishes, cut the melons (the cantaloupe and yes, watermelon, were to die for and I had to resist nibbling. Made iced tea (I had asked SW her preferences). Et cetera – you get the idea.

When I finally sat down at 2:55, I was tired!!

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Of course, the doorbell rang at precisely 3:01. Very punctual. And meeting SW was almost like old home week – in the past three years we’ve worked with one another on various matters via the law office I work for so it was not like meeting a complete stranger. We chatted about this and that... and when it became apparent that DH was (unsurprisingly, because of distance and traffic) late, she started the questions with me.

(I’m just listing the general lines of questioning. It wasn’t as machine-gun as it appears. It was very relaxed, very cordial, lots of open discussion.)

Have I ever been arrested? Been reported to CPS? First job? Where was I born? How long lived in my hometown? How is my relationship with my parents? I had mentioned that my mother had passed, so we discussed her cause of death and the reasons for it. How many siblings? Where was I in the pecking order? Schools I attended? Activities and sports involved in? What college(s) have I attended? Places I’ve lived?

Then we started on my work history? We were at about the middle of my life’s work history when DH came in. So she picked up with him, same lead questions that she started with me.

Then it was our marriage: When? Where? Any other marriages? How did you meet? How long have you been together? What attracted you to your spouse? Did you live together before marriage? How did that come about? Marital problems? Ever been to counseling? Methods of conflict resolution? Things you argue about? (funny question, because we don’t argue, not really).

Then it came to the nitty gritty: Why are we adopting? How many children would you like to adopt? Would you consider siblings? Color/health/background of child would we willing to adopt? Parenting philosophies? Discipline methods? Child care options? Have insurance? How much, what kind, with what company? Do we have a will? Who would be the guardian? Religion? Schools? Alternative day care? If one spouse dies, does the other have means of supporting the family? What do you think will change as parents, what will not change? Impact on lifestyle?
SW strongly advocated attending adoption seminars and parenting classes, but reiterated that they are not mandatory.

She reviewed the financial worksheet, filled some holes, and then gave us three things we needed to do for the 2nd home study: a) discuss and agree on form of openness we’re comfortable with, b) make a decision as to who the guardian of any children should be, and c) completing the autobiography questionnaire she gave us (which I’ll cover in another post here shortly).

Finally, she toured the house. Downstairs, up the stairs and into each room, discussed what room a child/children would be in, back down. She loved how big our yard was for an early 1990s house. She admired its roominess and said aloud that there was plenty of room. We said that we bought this particular house so that when the children came, we wouldn’t have to move. Of course, we thought we’d had kids long before this, but oh well. She smiled.

This phase lasted about an hour and forty five minutes. We scheduled the second home visit for the 27th. In the meantime, she would send out the questionnaires to the references, make sure our fingerprints came back, and submit the application to the Court this coming week.

After she left, I blinked in stupefaction for a moment. It’s real. It’s really happening! It’s on its way!

Wow!

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Afterwards, DH and I went to Streets of New York to drink a pitcher of Killians (where else can you find $10/pitchers of decent beer these days???) and shared a pizza to not only deflate from the interview, but to come down from a very busy week.

One down, one to go.

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Saturday morning, I sent out a heads-up email to the five people on my reference list:

Good morning, everyone:

[DH] and I had our first home study visit yesterday afternoon, and at the end of it (which went very well!), our case worker from the adoption agency said that she would be sending out the reference checks/questionnaires this coming week.

I'm just sending out a heads up so you know what it is when it comes to you.

The case worker will be sending our application to Court also this coming week, so the ball is now officially rolling.

Let me know if you have any questions! Thanks so very much to all of you for your help.

Love,
[Allie] (and [DH], of course!) =D

I got some a couple of pretty neat replies, the first from my dear friends in CA:

Congrats from all of us. Let us know what happens. We're excited for you.

And from my MIL:

What great news! Keep us informed as the process enfolds [sic]. Good luck and all our love!

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Next Up: the autobiographical questionnaire homework.