Paper Pregnant and Slogging Through a Seminar

Okay… now that I’m over my semi-stunned state of ecstasy… I’m so freaking excited now. It’s REAL. I know there will be ups and downs and everything in between, but it’s real. It’s really going to happen at some point and hopefully within the next eighteen months (which is how long the certification lasts in Arizona).

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The hurdle I have to get over is DH’s insistence that the child be three or four years of age. While not impossible via private adoption, there’s a better chance to adopt a child that age through the State. I don’t know if y’all are aware, but our foster system in Arizona is a disaster and CPS (Child Protective Services) does not have a shining track record. I don’t think that there’s a month that doesn’t go by where there is a child that has been given back time and again to abusive (drugs/physical/emotional/sexual/etc) parents and winds up dead, and the story winds up in the paper. And these are just the ones that make the local print media. And the chances of a couple taking in a State child will more than likely have to hand the child back to the very parents whose actions caused CPS to get involved in the first place. And,when not awarded to the potential, privately certified parents, they are shipped to those certified through a foster-to-adopt program – privately certified people/couples generally get the shaft in these situations.

I think I feel kinda strongly on that.

Ya think?

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So I have to get to the root of this issue. As I’ve stated before, I think DH is terrified of newborns/infants, terrified of the disruption they bring (i.e. sleepless nights), and terrified of them in general because he’s never handled one, never really dealt with one except in limited scenarios, and so he doesn’t want to deal with them.

My position is this: let's list our age range from birth to three years of age, then let God take care of the rest. He has taken care of us so far – OMG, the Lord really has, it’s amazing – and allow Him to bring to us the child we are meant to have.

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Tonight’s seminar/class/whatever you want to call it had so much potential. I liked Beverly on first sight. She’s just one of those people whose first impression is of a person who is happy with their lot in life, happy with their job, and happy to help people in a practical way through the wringer of adoption. My gripes with the seminar have nothing whatsoever to do with her or her topics.

DH met me at the Agency. It started well, with six people: DH and me, another married couple (we’ll call them “A”, the husband, and “B” the wife) about our age, and a married woman (I’ll just refer to her as “W”) with her best friend (“F”; W’s husband couldn’t get away from work). The first third covered things we’d already gone through as we are already certified. I sort of tuned out and chimed in when Beverly asked me to.

Unfortunately, “A” stopped the flow of topics within the first ten minutes, and fixated on the statute-mandated pool fence, boring the shit out of DH; DH promptly tuned out for the rest of the seminar. A shame, but he has no patience for people who ask the same question in seventeen different forms in the span of fifteen minutes. “A” stalled the flow several times through the 90 minutes, and it got very annoying. He has the right to ask, but come on already. “B” looked intently at her notebook by the third time. She knew.

“W” pretty much kept her mouth shut throughout the whole thing. It was “F” who asked all sorts of really good questions. It made me wonder who was the one adopting. It was kind of strange.

The last, say, thirty minutes were full of good information. We talked about adopting through the State (shudder), potential expenses (yikes), networking (emails are amazingly effective), and the birthmother letter (with copies of examples of successful profiles given to us in a packet).

We also talked about the national “agencies” which are really “facilitators” – the ones that list children, usually but not always minorities, with this health problem and that prenatal drug addiction, demanding a $25-50K agency fee, plus expenses, plus your travel expenses, plus legal fees, plus whatever – they’re generally baby mills for the desperate. I saw their sites on the first search I ever did and was wary of them from the first site I looked at. I think this may be a topic in itself on another day.

The important thing was that I did get my pressing questions regarding adopting through the state, interstate adoption, and a couple of other topics answered.

It was overall a decent 90 minutes, but disappointing in its way. Oh well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

~~

And you're not going to believe this.

"Twenty Questions" is on the reading list she gave us. No! Nooooooo! Nooo!

Now I really have to smarten up my draft on that and post it. That book should NEVER be on any agency's reading list.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Phoenix Adoption Seminars: Beverly Quidort

One thing I have noticed is a complete dearth of advertised adoption seminars in the Phoenix area. The one I referred to in a previous post I wound up not being able to go to; I had to work late, and it was waaaaayyyy the hell out in the northwest valley. Besides, the information was published in the paper the same day it was held – hardly enough notice to get body and soul together.

I look online, and there just isn’t much. I do find a lot of information on past seminars and workshops... you know, from 2007 and 2008. That’s just not helpful.

However, lucky me! The SW and Agency strongly suggested attending the workshops held by Beverly Quidort (KEE-dorr) here in Phoenix, usually held on a Tuesday when there’s enough attendees. Her workshops have a cost of $30 for an individual and $40 per couple – extremely reasonable, considering the costs of other (past!) events I’ve come across.

So, in a shameless but unpaid plug, I’m sharing with you that DH and I are attending the following workshop she has scheduled for the first week of July. From the information sheet, here's the information:

ADOPTION, WHERE DO I BEGIN?
This workshop is for those who are pursuing a private adoption and are currently, or in the process of being certified. We will explore the value of networking as a way to let others know you are interested in adopting. Emphasis will be placed on The Birth Parent Letter, which is a primary networking tool. We will explore how to write a birth parent letter, what information should and should not be included, and who should receive copies of the letter. This is a practical, hands-on workshop, so bring your ideas for an evening of information and fun.

I think this is a really good one to start with (duh), especially since I’ve sort of hit a brick wall with my drafts of a PBM letter. Part of it, I know, is that everything is hanging in the air. I know that there’s no point in bugging SW for news; once they’ve submitted the report, it’s out of their hands and at the whim and manpower of the courts. Like I told DH, despite knowing it’s not an overnight thing, I’m impatient, excited, and oh so ready to move along in this journey. I want to know, dammit!

A little background on her: Beverly is a specialist in adoption, a mother to two adopted children, and has been in the social service field and adoption for over 20 years. She focuses on facilitation and counseling of the adoption process for birth parents, adoptive parents and the adoptee. Her expertise includes international adoptions, post adoption search, preparation of certification studies and other reports for the court, facilitation and counseling for hundreds of adoptions. So not only does she work the field, she has been there herself as she has two adopted children, and is imparting her personal experience. This is the kind of stuff I like to see when going to things like this: practical, hands-on experience.

I will say here that as a contact, Beverly is very responsive. I left a message, she returned my call within two hours. We played a little more phone tag, but we connected and she was very friendly and responsive, and eager to help.

Here are some of the other workshops she holds, scheduled for when there’s enough interest:

BIRTH PARENTS AND OPENNESS IN ADOPTION
Join us as we take a look at one side of the adoptive triangle - the birth parents. What is an “open” adoption? Are there different degrees of openness? Are there any benefits to having an open adoption? Are there any problems? What does openness mean to me, the adoptive parent? What impact does openness have on an adoptive child? What does the birth parent want? We will answer these questions and more during this interesting and informative evening. A panel of birth parents will join us, and share their experience and answer any questions first hand.


TALKING TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT ADOPTION
What do I need to know about parenting an adopted child? Adopted children go through different developmental stages. Some stages are common to all children, others focus on adoption issues. In this workshop, we will explore how to raise an adopted child in a healthy environment. Topics will include when and how to tell your child he/she is adopted, what adoption issues are raised during a child’s development, and how to present adoption in a healthy, positive way. Talking to your child about adoption will have a life-long impact on your child’s self esteem. Learn how adoption impacts your child’s life, and how you can support your child through the process of working through these issues.

If you live in the Phoenix area and would like to inquire about any of Beverly’s classes, please call her at (602) 861-3950. All of these seminars are held at 1118 East Missouri in Phoenix – just north of 12th Street and Camelback Road.

FREE Phoenix Area Adoption Seminar - 630P TONIGHT

Reading the Repulsive today, there was actually an item of interest. Quoted verbatim:

Give Back
ADOPTION SEMINAR

If you've considered taking in a foster child or adopting a child but want to learn more, there's a free workshop for you. Christ's Church of the Valley offers an orientation that provides information to households interested in adoption or in welcoming a foster child into their family.
Learn what you can do to offer one of the more than 10,000 children in the state's foster care system a loving, supportive environment. Meet at 6:30 p.m. today in the Children's Building, 7007 W. Happy Valley Road, Peoria.
Details: 623-376-2444, ccvonline.com

I'm going to try and make it. I need to expand my knowledge and contact base. But damn... Peoria isn't exactly close for me. Oh well. :)