What a Pain in the Tushie

I'm picking away at our profile. What to say, what to keep out? What is too much or not enough? how many pics can I add until it looks overdone? The writing came easy. It's the format and graphics.

One thing Bev said was that there's no "wrong" way to do it. You can pluck ideas from others, but don't completely copy someone's work. I didn't doubt that people do that - hell, my little brother plagiarized my English 102 paper, on a topic that he didn't know squat about. Anything'a possible.

I loves me some Art Explosion Scrapbook Factory Deluxe 4.0. You can either use their templates or create your own layout. I don't want frilly - I don't want overdone - but I want some color. It's relatively minimal. I'm not twelve, and more than likely neither will my readers be twelve.

One thing I will not do: write a novel. I've read of folks doing 15, 21, 25, 28, even 30 pages. Seriously? I'm thinking 8 pages, tops. Cover page, two pages about us, two pages of pics, two pages of miscellaneous things outside of our life, then the back page. It's sort of like writing a research paper - target your audience, and then work on not boring that audience to death.

I'd like to have this out before DH and I head to Washington, DC next week. We'll see. I'd really like to get the ball rolling.

Phoenix Adoption Seminars: Beverly Quidort

One thing I have noticed is a complete dearth of advertised adoption seminars in the Phoenix area. The one I referred to in a previous post I wound up not being able to go to; I had to work late, and it was waaaaayyyy the hell out in the northwest valley. Besides, the information was published in the paper the same day it was held – hardly enough notice to get body and soul together.

I look online, and there just isn’t much. I do find a lot of information on past seminars and workshops... you know, from 2007 and 2008. That’s just not helpful.

However, lucky me! The SW and Agency strongly suggested attending the workshops held by Beverly Quidort (KEE-dorr) here in Phoenix, usually held on a Tuesday when there’s enough attendees. Her workshops have a cost of $30 for an individual and $40 per couple – extremely reasonable, considering the costs of other (past!) events I’ve come across.

So, in a shameless but unpaid plug, I’m sharing with you that DH and I are attending the following workshop she has scheduled for the first week of July. From the information sheet, here's the information:

ADOPTION, WHERE DO I BEGIN?
This workshop is for those who are pursuing a private adoption and are currently, or in the process of being certified. We will explore the value of networking as a way to let others know you are interested in adopting. Emphasis will be placed on The Birth Parent Letter, which is a primary networking tool. We will explore how to write a birth parent letter, what information should and should not be included, and who should receive copies of the letter. This is a practical, hands-on workshop, so bring your ideas for an evening of information and fun.

I think this is a really good one to start with (duh), especially since I’ve sort of hit a brick wall with my drafts of a PBM letter. Part of it, I know, is that everything is hanging in the air. I know that there’s no point in bugging SW for news; once they’ve submitted the report, it’s out of their hands and at the whim and manpower of the courts. Like I told DH, despite knowing it’s not an overnight thing, I’m impatient, excited, and oh so ready to move along in this journey. I want to know, dammit!

A little background on her: Beverly is a specialist in adoption, a mother to two adopted children, and has been in the social service field and adoption for over 20 years. She focuses on facilitation and counseling of the adoption process for birth parents, adoptive parents and the adoptee. Her expertise includes international adoptions, post adoption search, preparation of certification studies and other reports for the court, facilitation and counseling for hundreds of adoptions. So not only does she work the field, she has been there herself as she has two adopted children, and is imparting her personal experience. This is the kind of stuff I like to see when going to things like this: practical, hands-on experience.

I will say here that as a contact, Beverly is very responsive. I left a message, she returned my call within two hours. We played a little more phone tag, but we connected and she was very friendly and responsive, and eager to help.

Here are some of the other workshops she holds, scheduled for when there’s enough interest:

BIRTH PARENTS AND OPENNESS IN ADOPTION
Join us as we take a look at one side of the adoptive triangle - the birth parents. What is an “open” adoption? Are there different degrees of openness? Are there any benefits to having an open adoption? Are there any problems? What does openness mean to me, the adoptive parent? What impact does openness have on an adoptive child? What does the birth parent want? We will answer these questions and more during this interesting and informative evening. A panel of birth parents will join us, and share their experience and answer any questions first hand.


TALKING TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT ADOPTION
What do I need to know about parenting an adopted child? Adopted children go through different developmental stages. Some stages are common to all children, others focus on adoption issues. In this workshop, we will explore how to raise an adopted child in a healthy environment. Topics will include when and how to tell your child he/she is adopted, what adoption issues are raised during a child’s development, and how to present adoption in a healthy, positive way. Talking to your child about adoption will have a life-long impact on your child’s self esteem. Learn how adoption impacts your child’s life, and how you can support your child through the process of working through these issues.

If you live in the Phoenix area and would like to inquire about any of Beverly’s classes, please call her at (602) 861-3950. All of these seminars are held at 1118 East Missouri in Phoenix – just north of 12th Street and Camelback Road.

Amazon's Gonna Love Me

I just finished my order on Amazon and bought some books.

I bought two of the same book - "" - one for me, one for Dad, so we can discuss the history of the English language.

Another book I bought is "Alice, Princess Andrew of Greece." Whozzat? you ask. Prince Philip's mother.

But more relevantly, I got "The Post Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption", "Adoption Is a Family Affair!: What Relatives and Friends Must Know ", and "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew."

Yay! I have lots of reading to do. :)

Brain v. Heart

It’s interesting to know something intellectually, but another to convince the heart of the thing.

My brain knows that the court has until late September to fire off the yea or nay (unlike Mrs. H., we didn’t get a draft or final of the SW’s report to the court – SW just said everything’s fine, nothing to worry about. Fat lot of help), and I know it. I know it!

So why, upon my return from Ireland, did I maniacally rip through the mail pile looking for the envelope from the agency with the good news?

My brain knows that an adoption, after certification, may take months or (God forbid) a year or two.

So why, when I passed by the baby department at Macy’s on the way to another department, smile to myself in anticipation as I saw all the little tiny clothes?

My brain still knows that a baby won’t be dropped in our laps in the next month.

So why do I pore over nursery ideas and color schemes, and am finding myself wanting to push DH out of that little room sooner rather than later? It's silly because it's still so early.

...and so on. I know what it is, intellectually: it’s FINALLY that silver lining that my poor battered heart has been looking for all these years, with all that heartache. It's the long-buried optimism daring to peek through my habitual cynicism.

It's a nice feeling. :)

FREE Phoenix Area Adoption Seminar - 630P TONIGHT

Reading the Repulsive today, there was actually an item of interest. Quoted verbatim:

Give Back
ADOPTION SEMINAR

If you've considered taking in a foster child or adopting a child but want to learn more, there's a free workshop for you. Christ's Church of the Valley offers an orientation that provides information to households interested in adoption or in welcoming a foster child into their family.
Learn what you can do to offer one of the more than 10,000 children in the state's foster care system a loving, supportive environment. Meet at 6:30 p.m. today in the Children's Building, 7007 W. Happy Valley Road, Peoria.
Details: 623-376-2444, ccvonline.com

I'm going to try and make it. I need to expand my knowledge and contact base. But damn... Peoria isn't exactly close for me. Oh well. :)

Home Study, Part One

As I previously wrote, I took a half-day off to get everything ready (for the second one, I’m just taking the day off... not fighting it). Just as I had figured, Boss waltzes in 10 minutes before I was due to leave, so I just left right then and there. He has a bad habit of trying to cram things in just before I’m due to leave, and I was already a nervous wreck and I was SO not in the mood for this crap.

Driving home on the freeway, I was in a quandary: I needed to eat something for lunch, but I didn’t want to burn too much time, and I didn’t want to stink up the house with something like pizza or Mongolian stir fry. I settled for a small salad from the salad bar at the store with no dressing (as is my habit), picked up some crackers, cheese and fruit, and went home. Crammed the salad in my mouth and went to finish up the house.

I know that unless it’s a normal state (you know those OCD types!), the house does not need to be picture perfect. However, there was still laundry thrown every which way on the cedar chest, laundry on the couch, and the bed needed to be made, etc. I worked a minor miracle in the bedroom, although I never did get the laundry truly put away. I just folded it neatly in the basket and set it on the floor on the far side of the cedar chest.

Washed dishes, cut the melons (the cantaloupe and yes, watermelon, were to die for and I had to resist nibbling. Made iced tea (I had asked SW her preferences). Et cetera – you get the idea.

When I finally sat down at 2:55, I was tired!!

~~

Of course, the doorbell rang at precisely 3:01. Very punctual. And meeting SW was almost like old home week – in the past three years we’ve worked with one another on various matters via the law office I work for so it was not like meeting a complete stranger. We chatted about this and that... and when it became apparent that DH was (unsurprisingly, because of distance and traffic) late, she started the questions with me.

(I’m just listing the general lines of questioning. It wasn’t as machine-gun as it appears. It was very relaxed, very cordial, lots of open discussion.)

Have I ever been arrested? Been reported to CPS? First job? Where was I born? How long lived in my hometown? How is my relationship with my parents? I had mentioned that my mother had passed, so we discussed her cause of death and the reasons for it. How many siblings? Where was I in the pecking order? Schools I attended? Activities and sports involved in? What college(s) have I attended? Places I’ve lived?

Then we started on my work history? We were at about the middle of my life’s work history when DH came in. So she picked up with him, same lead questions that she started with me.

Then it was our marriage: When? Where? Any other marriages? How did you meet? How long have you been together? What attracted you to your spouse? Did you live together before marriage? How did that come about? Marital problems? Ever been to counseling? Methods of conflict resolution? Things you argue about? (funny question, because we don’t argue, not really).

Then it came to the nitty gritty: Why are we adopting? How many children would you like to adopt? Would you consider siblings? Color/health/background of child would we willing to adopt? Parenting philosophies? Discipline methods? Child care options? Have insurance? How much, what kind, with what company? Do we have a will? Who would be the guardian? Religion? Schools? Alternative day care? If one spouse dies, does the other have means of supporting the family? What do you think will change as parents, what will not change? Impact on lifestyle?
SW strongly advocated attending adoption seminars and parenting classes, but reiterated that they are not mandatory.

She reviewed the financial worksheet, filled some holes, and then gave us three things we needed to do for the 2nd home study: a) discuss and agree on form of openness we’re comfortable with, b) make a decision as to who the guardian of any children should be, and c) completing the autobiography questionnaire she gave us (which I’ll cover in another post here shortly).

Finally, she toured the house. Downstairs, up the stairs and into each room, discussed what room a child/children would be in, back down. She loved how big our yard was for an early 1990s house. She admired its roominess and said aloud that there was plenty of room. We said that we bought this particular house so that when the children came, we wouldn’t have to move. Of course, we thought we’d had kids long before this, but oh well. She smiled.

This phase lasted about an hour and forty five minutes. We scheduled the second home visit for the 27th. In the meantime, she would send out the questionnaires to the references, make sure our fingerprints came back, and submit the application to the Court this coming week.

After she left, I blinked in stupefaction for a moment. It’s real. It’s really happening! It’s on its way!

Wow!

~~

Afterwards, DH and I went to Streets of New York to drink a pitcher of Killians (where else can you find $10/pitchers of decent beer these days???) and shared a pizza to not only deflate from the interview, but to come down from a very busy week.

One down, one to go.

~~

Saturday morning, I sent out a heads-up email to the five people on my reference list:

Good morning, everyone:

[DH] and I had our first home study visit yesterday afternoon, and at the end of it (which went very well!), our case worker from the adoption agency said that she would be sending out the reference checks/questionnaires this coming week.

I'm just sending out a heads up so you know what it is when it comes to you.

The case worker will be sending our application to Court also this coming week, so the ball is now officially rolling.

Let me know if you have any questions! Thanks so very much to all of you for your help.

Love,
[Allie] (and [DH], of course!) =D

I got some a couple of pretty neat replies, the first from my dear friends in CA:

Congrats from all of us. Let us know what happens. We're excited for you.

And from my MIL:

What great news! Keep us informed as the process enfolds [sic]. Good luck and all our love!

~~

Next Up: the autobiographical questionnaire homework.